I listened with sorrow the news of what happened in Japan this afternoon ... for my hyper-sensitive about these things I was going to cry, but I was detained.
Instinctively I felt selfish .
that I have often wished for death when someone has to die without meaning to.
Yet all this reminds me of something ...
months ago, even last year I had a dream where the place I live in the same way it was destroyed by a devastating earthquake, the city was destroyed ... except my house.
And I burst into tears, seeing the mountains crumble ... I thought that even a "he" was touched that fate ... but then I discovered that he was there at my house, so it was safe and sound ... and a moment later we were in bed together (as it really happened). The
I held tight to me praying that we do not go anymore.
I do not know why, but this dream I was impressed in the heart .
Before I cut more ... Suddenly I was lying on the bed staring at the blank, and I felt a flood of tears down her cheeks wet slipping quickly, eager to fall on the sheets ... without knowing why my face was flooded with tears.
No, I tried to find a reason, but nothing ...
and then looking at the wall blurred ... I have only seen people who claim to be without asking me what I am passing, anyone ... all asking, demanding, but never asked what I ... ever wonder why I cry, because I cut myself, because vomiting, why not go out and do not see people ... NEVER. As if my pain does not deserve to exist.
I felt an overwhelming need to see the blood come out from the wound and feel it burning my skin ... so I did ... squeezing the wound to bring out more.
I immediately felt relieved by what a second before I kill ...
I just wonder why ...
... that discomfort can give to others that I feel better this way ...?
What he said my father made me feel un'insulsa failure ... as if I had not excuses to cut, to be sick ...
admit that I have often thought about doing worse ... to make it clear to me what I was hurt inside of me ... why is that. The problem is not out.
I have everything anyone could want.
But I'm missing something inside.
Something which I had, and gave me the will to live ... and I wonder why there is no more '.
That thing, ' Love, love I felt for him and constantly kept me alive ... I have made after this bloody useless pride that I was just destroyed.
I could love him, and feel good. Yes, I would be fine.
I pretended to forget the love that kept me alive in your heart just because I listened to reason .. Given that time.
I wanted to give up on love,
I gave up the most real and alive to me.
But now it's late ... is late for me to address it will take months.
Why I lost strength, I have a body that is close to matter, when, and do not lose 10kg certainly within 2 weeks ... especially with the little strength of will that I find myself .. I demand that all increases in two days, without wondering what the hell I'm living inside this body.
If I love, I have to give me time.
If I love, I send all those who want to fuck with me now.
If I love, I have to bite the bullet and just do what is good for my body and my heart.
0 comments:
Post a Comment