E 'on the first morning that I make up for weeks. good sign ...?
I must say that seeing me the most beautiful in the mirror gave me a bit of motivation.
The food has made me anxious , I always feel my heart in my throat, every time I hear the front door open, every time the phone rings, I experience a feeling of dread inside me as if at any moment someone would get me something. However we
to the point ... Uu
bad yesterday I vented to my mother, still to Guido ... I went on, because inside of me I was really
bad and I needed to cry, to vent ... and I found that by doing so I can feel clean and do not want to binge.
Now that's a MIRACLE .
I really do feel lighter now.
But yesterday was hellish ... I swear girls, even for what I continued to write ... yesterday in bed crying, I could not sleep, and say that I ever happens.
crying over the fear of being around me a great mistake.
This I'm always afraid that someone wants to get rid of me .
Although in reality I have always hidden . Yes
hidden behind a mask that I hated wearing to cover all of my emotions, my feelings, here's where I brought that mask ... the perfect girl .
But I understand ... I prefer when people are really MYSELF. What
speak, say what you think, cry, vent ... only helps you to live, that's no use living in silence pretending to be someone else ... and it is so beautiful.
does not seem true ... I swear I do not really ...
Yesterday my grandmother has "given " a lot 'of money ... and I must say also that I pulled up. Always remember that you know a special girl, I can do many things, I do not have thrown to the ground or listen to the criticism of those who are envious.
Then I decided to do some shopping on the Internet, even for me to return the WANT TO LIVE ... so I decided that I will order a poster of a beautiful movie of a great actor I love, then ... a blue Chinese dress (you know those silk short sleeve?), a Japanese kimono, a book always in that film and another on anorexia. How nice! I must say that I feel a lot lighter:) was not so much that I did some shopping as well.
For the rest ... This morning I saw myself thinner. Yesterday I threw up in the morning for tea and juice I drank only a binge of vegetables for dinner ... I assure you that binge eating vegetables are best in the world, because you can eat without guilt, are good and filling.
And this morning? Well I do not know how it happened ... but I contented 1 apple, 1 cup of cappuccino with milk, 2 tablespoons of cereal and only 2 biscuits ! :)
And I do not even hunger or appetite for something sweet ... I just want to eat vegetables and drinking pots of tea ... I believe that by doing so I can lose weight a few pounds:)
In ultimis ...? Well ... maybe something absurd ... but I have the impression that Guido show a slight interest in me always. I thought about it often ... he denies being interested in me, but proves to be ! Because every time I write, feel .. and goes on like this for almost 3 years. And I've always believed that boys who said they were interested in me, but they were not at all. But otherwise he is blatantly honest with me ... and yet he's never really gone ... that's what gave me doubts.
him I was not among friends on Facebook does not want because I look at her things. But ... his friend had tagged me a link where HIM NOT CENTERED own, but somehow never took to comment on what I wrote! And other times, ALWAYS ... but also in reality. Search ... you know ... to appear as the best in front of me when there are other guys, or even when it comes to our house. Well I think this is nonsense ... now he is with and I must not forget that I used ... then will make his own money when he returns.
While it is best not to expect anything good from him.
What do you think ...? (
Yes probably that I have done with him ... And I'd really better get it over ... pity that my heart still beats for him. Already ... a shame ...
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